Losing myself to motherhood was the best thing that could have happened.
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It was April and I had just pulled my first grader out of school and brought him back home. Things were a little complicated. God had spoke that homeschooling was the solution to some of the challenges we were facing, and yet a different challenge surfaced. I wasn’t even home full time. How was I to do this home educating life?
As we took one step of obedience at a time the Lord showed us what we needed to do and soon we were selling our business so the I could be at home and my husband would focus solely on leading the church that he was pastoring.
I was thrown into a bit of inner confusion. For years I had been trying to prove that I could be in ministry and business while successfuly raising a family and maintaining my marriage. I felt like laying it all down and coming home was proving that it wasn’t possible.
Well for me it really wasn’t possible. I had way too much on my plate and the plates were crashing.
I sometimes wonder what would have happened if the Lord hadn’t intervened. But for the grace of God…
So in this place of somewhat blind obedience to the call of God, I asked the Lord to give me a love for what he was asking me to do. And that’s when I read this verse in the Passion Translation:
God will continually revitalize you, implanting within you the passion to do what pleases him.
Philippians 2:13
That was enough for me. He would plant the passion to do his will in my heart. I might not feel it yet, but the seed was there. It would grow.
In the meant time I tried to live out Paul’s exhortation to:
“Put your heart and soul into every activity you do, as though you are doing it for the Lord himself and not merely for others.“
Colossians 3:23 TPT
I read all that I could by passionate women who had give their lives to raising and educating their children with excellence. My heart and soul was in this. That little seed of passion was growing.
Step by step the Lord continued to lead.
Around this time we were preparing for an adoption the didn’t end up going through, and working with a program called Safe Families for Children which allowed me to learn a lot about attachment and how fundamental it is for children, especially in the context of foster care and adoption.
As I soaked up this information, I was struck with the thought that if it was so important for these vulnerable children, it could be extremely powerful if it was used purposefully in our family, which currently, and might always be if the Lord doesn’t open the door of adoption, made up of my biological children.
My only context for “attachment parenting” that wasn’t in the foster/adoptive circle were families who all slept in one big bed (no judgement if you do that, that was just my only known definition). With all my sleep talkers and snorers, that’s always been a no go for me.
As I pondered this elusive idea of attachment and took it to the Lord, I came across one of the most life changing books I’ve ever read, “Hold On To Your Kids” by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate.
This book brought to life the importance of attachment in all relationships with children, young or old, biological or not.
It was like the missing peice of the puzzle in joining what I learned in those training times with my real life mothering.
The Lord had already been speaking to me about my heart being where my treasure was and I felt him whispering to me that I had chosen to treasure my children and the job that God had promoted me to so I could be confident that my heart was now there. This passion was in bloom.
“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Luke 12:34 NKJV
This was an eternal work that could not be taken away.
“Where you deposit your treasure, that is where you fix your thoughts—and your heart will long to be there also.”
Luke 12:34 TPT
As I read Hold On To Your Kids I was hit by this quote:
“The more breaks we take [from our children], the less attached children are to us. The irony is that they become more difficult to parent- and therefore the more breaks we need from them!”
This was an “AHA!” moment for me. The secret to passionate, loving fullfillment in motherhood was not breaks from my kids as most grown women had told me through their comments of:
“Either I would be dead or my kids would be if I had to be with them all the time.”, or “I can’t even handle my kids during the couple hours between school and sports.”
It was through a healthy, protected attachment where my heart and soul are fully invested in every single part of their lives and my world completely surrounds them.
Gone were the days of believing I could lose myself in motherhood.
Instead, it could almost be said that that was the goal. To pour myself so utterly and completely out with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, loving them as unto the Lord.
And didn’t Jesus say we needed to lose our own lives? That those who tried to cling to life would lose it?
Everything was coming into focus. I had been duped by the voices of parents with faltering attachments and worldly mind sets.
This was my commission from the Lord, this was where my heart would be, and so full would be my cup as I delighted in what he had for me.
I wish I could say that each day has been easy and joy filled since then, but I sometimes forget this truth and slip back into selfish thinking. However when I remember these truths, the simplest moments bring me the greatest joy and I can rest in the peace that surpasses all understanding that I am created for such a family and for such a job as motherhood.
Oh Jesus, I am asking you to restore the joy and passion of each mother reading or listening to this right now. That where her allegiances have been divided between what she wants and what you want, that you would implant within her the passion to do you will and give her the grace and courage to obey you bravely. Protect the attachments of each mother and child represented in my readers. May these families be surrounded by your grace and your mercy. In your mighty name. Amen.
Thank you for being here today! If this spoke to your heart would you please pass it along to someone who can use some encouragement?